I am sitting in Cafe Pretentious and talking with Ms. Tortured Artist.

"How's it goin?" I ask.

"It iz going," Ms. Tortured Artist replies.

"Good. Good. Are you joining the A to Z challenge?" I ask. "I'm gonna have a Pixar theme with goofy dancing gifs!"

"Pleaze. I am a real writer. Real writerz...they do not do thiz thing...theezze childish blog memez and blog awardz. I only put thingz on my webzite that speak of my writingz...which no one in ze werld has zeen before. I bare my zoul, and people will someday know I am ze next Ztephanie Meyer. I am ze next Zuzanne Collinz."

"Oh. Well in the meantime, you don't have a job right now and have plenty of time. Since you're a nobody like me, maybe you could do these memes and participate so people don't view you as stuck up. You know...kinda like working at Wal-Mart is beneath you even though there's lots of people that work at Wal-Mart."

Ms. Tortured Artist glares at me.  "I'm not ztuck up! I'm just mizunderztood. My writing...it evokez pazzion. A young woman...she lozes her first love to the zea, but he comez back...only zhe iz in love with another. He comez back from the zea for her."

"Ah! Mermaids. I love great mermaid stories. There's a gazillion of those. I read one where--"

"--HOW DARE YOU? It iz notz mermaidz! How dare you dizzmizz it az if someone haz written thiz before!?"

I swallow. "Uhh...There's something like 900 mermaid stories alone on Goodreads..."

"When I get an agent. When I getz my book deal. You will all zee. You will all be jealouz of my zuccezz. I zhall be famouz! And it iz you who will ztill be doing theze memez while I am zigning bookz for my fanz. No one can write like me!"


Don't forget to sign-up for the A to Z challenge ladies and gents. There's only a few days left. Unless...ahem...of course you are the Tortured Artist. Then I wish you well with your massive agent and book deal plans. But let's be honest, if you were the Tortured Artist, chances are you wouldn't even be visiting my website as that would be "beneath" you. :P If you don't know where the sign-up is, click the button on the right sidebar. It will take you to Alex J. Cavanaugh's website and from there, it's easy peasy.

Post a Comment